Silent Screams
by Lillei
Summary: Ellie and Marco were once best friends. They've drifted away, but they're clinging desperately to they're last hope their friendship. Summarry changed. R and R.
1. Default Chapter

Title- Silent Screams  
  
Rating- PG-13 (to be safe)  
  
Summary-When an outing with Sean, Marco, and Dylan leaves Ellie confused, she lashes out at Marco, causing both of them to say things they didn't mean.  
  
Setting- it's the summer after Marco and Dylan first went out. Could be considered AU, or probably will be.  
  
Notes- this is my first Degrassi fanfiction, and I haven't seen all the episodes. I'm trying to keep everyone as in character as possible, but please, give me all the CONSTRUCTIVE criticism you have, and tell me if I've wrote something that conflicts with one of the earlier episodes.  
  
Warnings- if you're truly a homophobic, how do you manage to still watch Degrassi and read Degrassi fics? If it bothers you, leave. In other words, there's slash. But not graphic. Just slash because, well, Marco and Dylan are gay.  
  
Disclaimer- not mine!  
  
Chapter One; When voices conflict  
  
It was a Saturday, the kind with just enough sun, just enough breeze, and just enough excitement in the air. The foamy waves chased children to the shore, while families, couples, and groups sat sprawled in the sand. Marco Del Rosi, Dylan Michelchuck, Ellie Nash, and Sean Cameron should have been in heaven- pure bliss accomplished only by outing such as this. But instead, it was awkward. Ellie and Marco had been planning on doing something together, but when Dylan had asked if Marco would like to drive to the coast with him, he couldn't resist. Dylan had assured him that Ellie was more than welcome to come along, but with a strangely uncomfortable look, she had said she didn't want to be the third wheel. So she invited Sean.  
Unfortunately, Sean was still uncomfortable around Marco, and that had only become worse around to homosexuals. Not only was he Ellie's best friend and ex-fake-boyfriend, but also he was gay, which all added up to making Sean antsy. Sean never said anything outright, but the looks he sometimes gave Marco and Dylan and the way he shied away from touching them, was enough to convey his feelings.  
Elli felt strange- as if she was supposed to take sides. She knew it still upset Sean sometimes, because he felt so strange and uncomfortable around two boys who were together. But she also knew Marco was a great person and her best friend, and she wasn't sure if she should say something to Sean or not. After all, she would argue with herself, Sean was just uncomfortable with it, and getting used to anything new took time. But, another part of her maintained that he was being rude. She had a headache.  
She groaned and fidgeted with her black two-piece suit, which was concealed beneath a long sleeved cover-up. She began to snap her rubber bands. Sean glanced at her, but Marco and Dylan were too caught up in an intense debate about some book or another to notice.  
"I just wish that those two would stop flirting for a second and do something. Preferable, something we can all join in on," she said in her quiet voice, with just a touch of coldness. She regretted it immediately.  
Sean nodded and said, "I'm glad you can see what I mean now. It's not that I think it's wrong to be gay... they're just so...touchy feely." He put an arm around her unconsciously and grazed his fingers across her neck. "Like they're always around each other and flirting and stuff- like they're normal. And I'm just not ready to see something so- wrong." Sean slid behind her wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close to his chest.  
He began to rub his hands on her shoulders and Ellie nodded, "I know you do. But I guess they really like each other..."  
"I doubt it," Sean muttered. Ellie turned to look at him sharply, but he wrapped his arms tighter and consolingly kissed her neck. "He was a fool for letting you get away." She smiled softly.  
"You two want to get in the water?" Dylan asked, suddenly appearing in front of them, one hand resting comfortably on the small of Marco's back. Marco seemed exceptional pleased, but trembled slightly at the nervous excitement of it. Ellie felt a stab of jealousy- Marco had never trembled with euphoria when he had been dating her, though most of their 'relationship' had been a show. She wasn't jealous, she told herself. She really just didn't like him turning into a puddle of melted nerves at the very mention of Dylan. It was unlike him- he was shy, yes, and had low self-confidence, but he usual managed to stand his own, even if he was terrified. She wasn't jealous.  
Ellie shared a significant look with Sean, who was gazing uneasily at the couple. He shook his head slightly.  
"I think we'll swim together...alone," Sean said, putting an arm around Ellie slightly. She stiffened only a bit- that had been very rude of Sean, though she did wish Marco wouldn't melt so much around Dylan, or neglect their friendship.  
"I think Ellie can make up her own decision." To Ellie's surprise, it was Dylan who had spoken. Marco looked slightly hurt at what must have looked like a brush off.  
"I-I think it would be kind of nice to swim with Sean. And that way you two can swim together," she said mildly, but there was a slight chill in her quiet voice. Dylan nodded, satisfied, but Marco was Ellie's best friend and knew her well.  
He had been watching her discreetly all day. She had seemed stiff in the car- torn between one relationship (friendship) and another (dating). Then when they had arrived and Dylan had offered to rub sunscreen on Sean's back, she had turned a blind eye as Sean practically scrambled to get away from Dylan's reach. When she had started muttering to Sean, Marco was sure it could only be about one thing-Dylan and he.  
"Hey, El, before you go, can I speak with you?" he asked, and she nodded. Marco waved the other two on and walked casually away.  
"What's up?" he asked, curious and a bit worried.  
"Nothing," she said coolly. Even she didn't know why she was upset.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah," she said. Marco frowned slightly- she didn't seem fine, but he had picked up on Sean's distrust of him, and didn't want to put Ellie in the middle of it.  
"Look, if we're making Sean uncomfortable-"  
"Just tone it down a bit," Ellie said, still sounding slightly cold. "It's not the fact that you're gay that bothers him, it just how...feely you two are. He isn't ready for that."  
"But he's ready to see any normal couple groping each other in the hallways after school," Marco said, slightly angry. She had been letting Sean be rude all day but hadn't said anything to him. "If he has such a problem with seeing people like me, maybe he shouldn't grope you in public! It's rather hypocritical. Just because he's uncomfortable doesn't mean he has to be rude."  
"He's not being rude! He's unnerved!"  
"Well he's obviously comfortable enough to practically undress you!" Marco shouted, and stomped off, his ears burning. Ellie gaped after him, cheeks red. People were looking at her. Marco couldn't believe he'd just said that! Barging into the men's bathroom, he slammed a stall door shut and sank heavily to the floor, breathing deeply.  
Crying is not an option. Crying is not an option. Crying is NOT an option.  
Marco wondered why he was about to cry anyway. Was it because he had snapped at Ellie and said things he didn't mean? Or was it because maybe, just maybe, she was right? He sighed and leaned his head heavily against the stall door.  
He wondered later how long he had been in here. He was surprised, really, that Dylan hadn't come to find out what had happened to him, or Sean, to scream at him. He felt bad. He must have really hurt Ellie, which wasn't what he had meant to do when he had asked to talk to her. He had wanted to help.  
He glanced at his watch. To his surprise, it had only been ten minutes. Apparently, guilt was a good way to make time slow down.  
Suddenly, the door to the bathroom slammed open.  
"Del Rosi! You've got to be here...DEL ROSI!" A frantic voice yelled loudly, echoing off the wall. He could hear a snicker from the next stall over.  
"What?" he asked quickly. Scrambling to his feet, he pulled the door open and nearly fell face first into one Sean Cameron.  
"Come on," he shouted, and took off, barely giving Marco a chance to catch up.  
"Where-are we- going?" he panted between gulps of air.  
"First aid building," Sean said.  
"Why?" Marco asked, alarmed.  
"Ellie."  
  
So how was it? Please R and R!  
  
Lillei 


	2. Ellie

Disclaimer, warnings, etc. are in the first chapter.  
  
Notes- I didn't like the way it formatted last time, so I'm putting extra spaces in.  
  
Thanks to TeenageStarlet, Dark Spell, PsYcHoJo, and dylanlover(). Also, thanks to my sister for letting me use her computer while I'm here to write whenever inspiration hits.  
  
Chapter two; Ellie  
  
"Ellie?" Marco gasped out. "What's wrong with El?"  
  
"Some wave must have got her and dragged her under. We couldn't find her; we thought she'd gone back up to talk to you. But then her-"his voice broke slightly. "Hair- I felt her hair around my leg- oh god...god...I thought it was seaweed-but it was so soft..." he had yanked open the door to the air- conditioned beachside building and they were walking quickly through it. His face was a broken mask of emotion.  
  
"Sean," Marco started, but had nothing to say. They had reached a room. Broken, wet coughs sounded from inside. "El!" He barged in and the others politely left, so he was left alone with her.  
  
She was all wet. He had known logically that she would be, but it was still somewhat of a shock. She looked so- vulnerable. It was such a far cry from how she normally was that Marco wanted to hug her. But something- perhaps their fight-held him back. They had stripped off her black shirt and her pale skin glistened in the light, her hair deepened to a blood red by the wetness. She was hugging her knees, hiding the scars that decorated the inside of her arms. Even her rubber bands and bracelets had been taken off. She looked up at him with tear filled eyes, and- all fights forgotten- he rushed to her, kneeling by the foot of her chair and wrapping his arms around her. She sobbed into his chest, clutching to him fiercely.  
  
"I thought you weren't going to come," she said softly into his chest.  
  
"Oh, no," he cooed into her hair, standing slightly and shifting into chair with her to stroke her back. "No, no, no. I would never refuse to come to you when you need me. Oh Ellie. You're my best friend. I know you have Ash and all-"  
  
"I met you first. I know you best," she said, silencing him. "You're my best friend, Marco." She breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of ocean, sunscreen, people, and Marco- just Marco, a heavy hot smell that filled her nostrils and instantly helped to relax her. Wrapped in towels and blankets and him, dripping dry, she relaxed, and fell asleep.  
  
Marco held Ellie close. He felt as if he had known her forever, though he hadn't really. When she had moved to Degrassi during their ninth year, they had become friends fairly quickly. He knew that he would hate it if they fought for long.  
  
After a while, the others came back in. Sean gazed at him uneasily, sitting in the chair with Ellie practically on his lap, but Dylan rested a comforting hand on Marco's shoulder and for once this calmed Sean instead of agitating him.  
  
"I tried to find you," Dylan said softly in his ear. I went to look for you but Ellie wouldn't say where you were, and the next thing I know-"he gestured around the first aid building. Marco nodded grimly. Ellie shifted slightly and one long, pale arm fell limply from beneath the towel. Crisscrossed scars decorated it, and Marco cringed. He'd never seen her scars before. To his shock, his initials were engraved in very faint, small letters one her forearm. He swallowed hard.  
  
A lifeguard came in and smiled at the group, his eyes lingering on Marco.  
  
"And you must be- Marco, is it?" he asked.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"She's was asking about you, when we first woke her up. Apparently, she really likes you." He threw a wink at Marco. "Pretty too- she's a keeper." He grinned widely, while Marco froze in the chair and paled. Sean gave a low growl but said nothing.  
  
"If you don't mind me asking...what's happened to her arm?" The young man said, staring openly at it.  
  
"We mind you asking," Marco said harshly, while at the same time Sean said, "she used to cut herself." Marco shot him a glare.  
  
"What?" Sean mumbled. "Everyone at schools knows, and she doesn't have a problem with it. The first time I really met her showed them to me and asked if she freaked me out. Why shouldn't he know?"  
  
Marco gapped. Ellie had never shown him her scars. She avoided the topic. In fact, the one time she'd talked to him she'd been very stiff and asked only if it had scared him into not being her friend. He had assured her that it hadn't.  
  
"Oh," the lifeguard said awkwardly. "Well-um- everything seems to be in order here. I would suggest taking her home though." Sean nodded immediately, but Marco glanced at Dylan.  
  
"That's all right, isn't it? You'll take us home?"  
  
"Of course," Dylan said promptly. "Why don't you just carry her out so we can get her home while she sleeps?"  
  
"Sounds all right to me," Marco agreed. "Sean? Is that okay with you?"  
  
"Yeah," he muttered, but there was a frown line between his eyebrows. "Sure. Whatever."  
  
Marco rose slightly from the chair, trying to support both Ellie's weight and his. She wasn't heavy, but she wasn't unhealthily thin either, and Marco was short. It took three tries for him to stand from the chair, and then he had to implore help from both Dylan and Sean to get Ellie situated comfortably.  
  
As they walked to the car, ignoring the strange looks people were giving them, Sean continued to glare openly at Marco.  
  
Sea knew he was being unfair- Marco said he hadn't chose to be gay, and besides that, Marco was really a pretty cool guy. He'd been lying to himself and Ellie for too long- the fact that he was gay didn't bother him. It was the fact that he was Ellie's best friend that did. Quite simply, Sean was jealous.  
  
She talked about him all the time. They were closer than close, they understood each other. She was comfortable with him, more so than with Sean. And she never got jealous of Marco's other friends or boyfriend or anything, because she knew that first and foremost in his mind was their friendship, even if at times Marco and Dylan flustered her.  
  
But with Sean, she seemed more...careful. Like she was treading on thin ice- and she loved it, but there was always that risk. And she wasn't as comfortable with him- Marco was her friend, but he was also gay, meaning she pretty much had the best of both worlds. She could say anything to him, share anything with him, and it wouldn't be interpreted the wrong way.  
  
And he was jealous. Even more jealous than usual, because Marco had her held so comfortingly in his arms, and she was so peacefully asleep and vulnerable. He was jealous that she had run off with Marco to talk, jealous that he couldn't comfort her after their fight, jealous that she had seemed so torn up about it. And he was jealous that when she had awaked, the first thing she had asked for was Marco. So he had gone to find him for her. He would have done anything to make her happy.  
  
"Sean," Marco's voice broke through his reverie, sounding slightly exasperated.  
  
"What?" he snapped.  
  
"I just- you seem upset about me- carrying Ellie. And I'm sorry, okay? That's just how it happened," Marco seemed defensive.  
  
"Yeah, whatever." Now that he thought about it, his jealousy was the biggest problem. But the two homos drove him insane as well.  
  
I'm not really jealous. I'm just- concerned. No one should put some gay ex- boyfriend best friend over her boyfriend. It's unreal. Yeah, that's it- I'm concerned.  
  
Sean had almost managed to convince himself.  
  
The drive home was quiet and painful. Ellie was still draped across Marco, but they had managed to prop her up in a seatbelt, leaning against him. When they reached her home, Marco searched the house with his eyes.  
  
"No one's home," he lied to the others. "I'm going to stay with her."  
  
"So am I," Sean volunteered quickly.  
  
"She's my best friend, and I know her parents. I'll stay with her." Marco was adamant.  
  
He got out of the car and went up to her front door, pulling the emergency key from under the welcome mat. This was an emergency.  
  
After he had unlocked the door and propped it open, he went back for Ellie. Sean gave him a glare and picked her up easily, brushing past him to get into the home. Marco frowned but said nothing.  
  
"Her bedroom is up the st-" he began to tell Sean.  
  
"I know where it is," he snapped shortly. Marco looked taken aback. He went back to the car, not because he really thought Sean deserved time with Ellie, but because he wanted to say goodbye to Dylan. Dylan smiled up at him.  
  
"Didn't go exactly the way we'd planned, did it?" Dylan asked him.  
  
"No," Marco sighed. "I guess not. So I'll see you later, k?" Sean was coming down the path towards the car.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, sure. See ya," Dylan said, before giving him a soft kiss on the cheek and pulling back. Blushing slightly, Marco smiled and walked away. The look on Sean's face was priceless.  
  
He walked into the home and up to the bedroom, where Ellie was submerged under the covers and breathing deeply. He looked at her, still wet, her hair stringing, and felt an overwhelming sense of protectiveness.  
  
He went into the bathroom closest to her room and found several towels, which he rubbed over her arms, legs, and hair. He examined her scars silently and then continued with his work, until she was more damp than dry. Then he went to her closet hesitantly.  
  
He didn't want to get into her stuff, but she needed warmer clothes. With a frown he reached for it.  
  
"Second drawer," a voice said behind him. "That black shirt that's too big for me is in there." Marco whirled around. Ellie was sitting up and smiling.  
  
"El," he muttered, rushing to her bed and pulling her into a hug. She held onto him gratefully.  
  
"I'm getting you all wet," she said.  
  
"That's all right," he muttered softly into her hair. There was a pause. "El, what I said today-"  
  
"No, you were right," she interrupted him. "He was being rude and hypocritical."  
  
"But I shouldn't have said that, about...you know..." Her bedspread suddenly became extremely fascinating, and he traced a finger over the black and red design.  
  
"No," Ellie said. "You shouldn't have, but...I did some things I shouldn't have either." Marco smiled apologetically at her and she hugged him again.  
  
"So...would you like to tell me what was really bothering you?" Marco ventured. Ellie looked up at him sharply.  
  
"What so you mean?"  
  
"I mean-"Marco hesitated. "We both said a lot of things that we didn't mean- but I think there's something that was- is- really bothering you. You can tell me anything, El, you know that."  
  
"No," she said.  
  
"What?" Marco said, bewildered. He pulled away from her and stood up.  
  
"I can't tell you anything...because- because I just can't. It would cause more problems than it would solve. You'd better get out of here, Marco. I'll call you later."  
  
Marco left, feeling very confused. 


	3. Love unto itself

Thanks to my reviewers! I wish I could thank all of you, but some weird thing's happening and I can't get to the reviews to find the names.  
  
I live in America, so I believe we are quite a few episodes behind Canada, and we also have them edited. So there most likely will be things in here that contradict with episodes not yet released.  
  
The second chapter won't show up, so just go to the end of the URL and between the just write the number 2.  
  
This is mostly a filler chapter. Rather boring, rather short, but I hope it's okay.  
  
Disclaimer, warnings, etc. in chapter one.  
  
Chapter three; love unto itself  
  
Ellie felt bad. It wasn't just that she'd been rude to Marco, who'd only been trying to help, but because she knew the real reason why, and was afraid to tell him. She was jealous.  
  
She felt as if she had ruined their entire weekend and now Monday morning was dawning and she hadn't heard from him yet. Guilt kept her awake.  
  
Marco always called her everyday on the weekends, and usually during the week, since they were out of school. She dressed carefully, the precision of it calming her somewhat.  
  
A plaid school girl skirt, a thin black long sleeved shirt, an awesome green slashed black vest- it all added up for her normal look. Hair in a ponytail on top of her head, mini braids hanging into her face, a black fake hair scrunchy. It was her normal routine. Smoky eye shadow, thick bracelets to cover her wrists, and a dog collar necklace. She wondered if she would even see him that day.  
  
After walking down the stairs, she glanced around their small house and frowned. Her mother was passed out on the couch again; her dad had left on another one of his missions for work. The sight of her mother so wasted had once caused her to cut herself, but her father had been confident that she could withstand it. She knew she wouldn't be able to for long.  
  
She decided to take a walk. She was tired of being stuck in the house with nothing to do, feeling the force of her father's absence more and more each day. She stepped out her front door. To Marco's, perhaps? Or Ashley's, where she was sure to get some good gossip talk. She decided just to walk- they were in a similar direction.  
  
It was hotter than she had thought it would be, this early in the morning. But the sun was rising steadily and her long sleeves were killing her. She wished for once she could take it off. But of course she couldn't.  
  
She had never shown Marco. Never really talked about it to him. It wasn't that she didn't trust him, that she was afraid of freaking him out. It was more that she felt she didn't have to show them to him- they understood each other with out speech.  
  
The sun was slicing through her hair to her scalp, and it hurt- a lot. Everything was hurting lately. The thought was depressing and she lowered her head, staring at the sidewalk.  
  
Marco was barely awake. He still hadn't quit gotten out of his school schedule, but he had relaxed enough to wake up a little later- later being around eight o'clock. He stumbled from bed and frowned exhaustedly- he had been sleeping badly since his fight with Ellie- if that's what it was. He wasn't sure. He wandered to his window unthinkingly and gazed down from it. To his surprise, Ellie was walking up the street towards his house, looking as if she were thinking hard- so totally out of it she must have wandered here by accident.  
  
Without stopping to think, he rushed down the stairs. No matter that he was wearing only a pair of faded black lounging pants. No matter that his newly grown out hair was messy and his face greasy. He pulled the door open and rushed out. A girl across the street who went to some private school and only came home for the summer was painting her toenails on the porch. She whistled at him. He blushed slightly and rolled his eyes. Apparently, she hadn't gotten the 'Marco is gay' message.  
  
"El," he said breathlessly. She started, stopped short, and stared. He suddenly realized the state of his clothes- or lack thereof.  
  
"Hey," he said awkwardly.  
  
"Um, hey Marco," she said, still staring at him. "Did you just get up?"  
  
"Um, yeah. I saw you out the window and I just- well, you know." Now he was blushing. She blushed slightly too. "So, uh, El. What's been going on?"  
  
"Marco, if you have something you want to ask me, just do it," she said in her normal, no nonsense way.  
  
"Oh. Um, just...are we okay? I mean, if were not talking I'd kinda like to know what I did-"She cut him off with a hug.  
  
"Marco, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to act that way. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet, okay?"  
  
"Sure," he said. "But promise me- when you figure it out, when you're ready, talk to me, okay? You would, wouldn't you?"  
  
"Marco-"  
  
"I'm sorry-"  
  
"No," Ellie said softly. "No. I just wanted to say thanks. Thanks for putting up with me. You're my best friend." She hugged him again.  
  
He smiled.  
  
"Want to go out and do something?" he asked her, grin still in place.  
  
"You should get dressed first," she pointed out dryly. He grinned widely.  
  
"Oh El- I love you," he said. And she knew exactly what he meant. Friendship was a love unto it's own. She kissed him softly on the forehead.  
  
"How about you come inside and we can watch movies with me until a decent hour of the day?" he asked her with a goofy smile. She grinned widely.  
  
"K. Are you going to get dressed?" she teased him.  
  
"You jerk," he said with a laugh and grabbed her, tucking her to his side and pulling her up the drive. She giggled insanely and ran past him, through the open door and into his living room. He rushed after her.  
  
"Shh! My parents are asleep," he said in a strained whisper- strained because he was giggling as well.  
  
"In that case, you should definitely get dressed," Ellie, said calmly.  
  
"El!" She giggled. "You want to invite Ashley over?" Ellie smiled.  
  
"That'd be great," Ellie said with a big smile. "I haven't seen her all summer."  
  
"We're a week and a half in," Marco said. "It's not been that long." But he was smiling. Ellie grinned.  
  
"Yeah, I'll call her up. Where's your phone?" He picked it up and tossed it to her. "But if she's coming over, you definitely have to put on more clothes. One, your dad might have let slide. But two? Even he couldn't be proud of that." Ellie ducked quickly as he tossed a pillow at her. 


	4. Stay with me

_I just learned how to _italicize_- I think. So I hope it works.   
  
Bad thing after bad thing after bad thing keep happening to Ellie. I don't want to make her seem to fidgety or weak, because we all know Marco's the real shy, low-self-esteemed one. But it's important to the plot.   
  
Thanks to- TeenageStarlet (thanks, I'm trying to stay really true to the characters), Kenshins'sluver51593 (I try to update daily or every other), Val-Creative (Wow, I know you! I mean, I read your stuff before you reviewed my story. Thanks!), PsYcHoJo (Love your name. Thanks), and HittingtheHighC (I beg to differ. Marco is MINE! Actually, I think him and Dylan are adorable together. Thanks for reading-your bio is crazy!).   
  
Also thanks to people who reviewed earlier chapters who I haven't thanked yet.   
_  
**Chapter four; Stay with me  
**

Noon found Ashley, Ellie, and Marco piled onto a couch in the living room, watching some random movie that Ashley had brought over. Marco had opted to get dressed, a choice that cause Ellie to mutter 'smart move.' His parents had both left for work soon after Ellie had arrived, smiling widely at her.   
  
"You two back together, no?" Mr. Del Rosi had pried.   
  
"_Paaa_," Marco had whined.   
  
"No, Mr. Del Rosi, we're not. Marco's just my friend."   
  
"Uh huh," he father had mumbled and winked, before leaving.   
  
"I'm hungry," Ashley announced suddenly.   
  
"So am I," Ellie admitted. Marco nodded.   
  
"Well, I can't have my two girls going hungry can I?" he joked and jumped from the couch, walking into the kitchen. "Pasta okay?" he called over his shoulder.   
  
"Sounds great," Ellie called back.   
  
'His two girls?' Ashley mouthed to her. They erupted into giggles.   
  
"Us two, and Jimmy, are the closest friends he have. At least he's watching out for us- and our stomachs," Ellie said mildly.   
  
"Yeah, but you two are closest, aren't you?" Ashley said, nudging her.   
  
"Ash! I got over that a long time ago, you know that," Ellie snapped.   
  
"Maybe you got over _him_, but I don't think you got over_ it_," Ashley said. Ellie frowned, but didn't answer.   
  
"What are we talking about?" Marco asked, coming up behind them. Ellie jumped and Ashley grinned.   
  
"Oh nothing," she smiled mysteriously. Marco stared at her curiously, before glancing at Ellie, who rolled her eyes, as if to say 'don't ask.' He didn't.   
  
"Pasta should be ready in about fifteen," Marco told them, sliding in between them on the couch.   
  
"I didn't know you could cook Marco," Ashley said, nudging him. He blushed.   
  
"I've been helping my ma since I was little," he protested mildly.   
  
"Uh huh. Or maybe you just have a secret passion for cooking widely exotic Italian food-"  
  
"Oh shut up!" Ellie and Ashley cracked up, glancing at his bright red face.   
  
"I think we've hit a nerve," Ellie deadpanned. Ashley giggled and hit his knee, causing him to double over in mock pain.   
  
"Definitely hit a nerve," he deadpanned.  
  
Later that afternoon, Ashley left, mumbling something about having to be home for a family dinner. Marco nodded understandably, but Ellie snorted and rolled her eyes.   
  
"Consider your self lucky," she growled, before stomping back into his house. He shared a surprised look with Ashley over her sudden mood swing, but all he got was a shrug and a wave goodbye.   
  
"El?" He asked, wondering back into his house. She was sitting awkwardly on his couch, eyes glued to the floor. The was a silence before-  
  
"It's not that I'm upset at Ash for not getting it," she said, still staring at the ground. He waited, but she didn't continue.   
  
"It's that you wish you could have the same thing she does," Marco finished for her.   
  
"Well- yeah," she said, looking up at him. "She doesn't get that though. You do." He nodded. He did know. Sometimes he became upset with Dylan because he would complain about his family asking him about their dates, but Marco felt he was lucky his parents even accepted his homosexuality. Marco couldn't imagine how his parents would react if they ever found out.   
  
"You want me to walk you home?" he asked compassionately.   
  
"You trying to get rid of me?" she joked, and then ran laughing from the house, him chasing her and managing to catch her around the waist and hug her tightly before she was off again like a rocket. He laughed and chased her home.   
  
He hadn't been to her house often. Even including the weekend before, he'd only been three or four times. Odd, for best friends, he thought. But he had seen her mother passed out on the couch, the way she looked longingly at the pictured of her father, the surprised looks she sent other families, who seemed so much more stable than hers. Somehow, he couldn't blame her.   
  
"I can take it from here," she whispered when they reached a side door leading into her kitchen.   
  
"Yeah," he said graciously. She stared at him for a second.   
  
"Is your family- _anything_ like mine? Is anyone's? There has to be something broken about every family, doesn't there?" She seemed almost desperate to hear him reassure her that her family was normal.   
  
"I-I- Ellie, I'm not going to lie to you. My family is much better off than yours. I wish it wasn't that way, but...it is. It's one of the reason's I'm so reluctant to tell them about Dylan and I. I don't want to break my family."  
  
"Dammit Marco!" she shouted suddenly, whirling around and rushing inside, slamming the door in his face. He stood there in shock. But he understood.   
  
Inside the shadowy kitchen, Ellie leaned heavily against the door, breathing deeply, tears coursing down her cheeks. Her mother stumbled into the kitchen, clearly drunk.   
  
"You woke me up," she slurred, lurching unsteadily towards her. She stiffened. "You woke me up you brat. Woke-ed me up when I was having a nice dream-"  
  
"Mom, let's get you back to bed," Ellie said calmly, though tears coursed down her cheeks still.   
  
"You've cause me nothing but pain little girl," she slurred, pitching forward and putting her hands on either side of Ellie, so that she was trapped against the door. "Your daddy always wanted little kids, but the bastard was never going to be around to raise them. Nu-uh, I knew that work of his would come first, I didn't want no baby to raise myself, I didn't even want kids. Just wanted the big military man and I, all together alone. But no!" Ellie was shaking. She had never heard her mother speak like this before. But the worst thing was that everything she said felt true.   
  
"You weren't planned, no you weren't. Uh huh! He wasn't even here when I realized, nope, had to go to the doctor myself and he yelled at me for not realizing sooner. 'She's too small for six months in' he told me, yelled at me and then made me have lots of check-ups, like I could afford that. He wasn't even here when you were born did you know that? Wasn't even hear, left poor Elaine to have the baby all by herself, no man to hold my hand, uh uh." She gazed blearily at her through half lowered lids.   
  
"Little pain you were- still are. Have to talk to your school all the time, you go and do stupid things. _Suicide_ attempts, self harm, skipping class- what kinda daughter are you anyway? I could have at least had a _good_ child that I would have learned to enjoy but no- I got you. Fickle as a baby, fickle as a kid, messed up as a teenager- nope, not no daughter of mine! You've caused me nothing but misery, little girl!" Tears were coursing harder than ever down Ellie's cheeks as her mother grabbed her shoulders and began to shake her furiously, fingers digging into her shoulders, ripping the fishnet fabric and tearing at her skin.   
  
"Don't even think you're your daddy's child, nu-uh. Think it was some other guy, daddy'd been away so long. Yep, you don't look like us, no sir-ie. Doesn't know that, he doesn't, of course. Nope, not your daddy's kid. Not mine, I don't want ya!"  
  
"Maybe I'll just leave, get on with my life, find myself a _good_ husband and raise some _good_ kids. You just leave now- don't need you! Go on get out'a my house! Get!" Ellie reached back behind her frantically, scrambling for the door handle. She turned it swiftly and nearly fell back, her mother's fingernails, previously buried in her shoulders, ripping at her skin. Tears coursed down her cheeks and she turned and ran blindly.   
  
She didn't know where she was going. She didn't even know where she was. All she knew was that she was running, running from everything she'd ever known and it hurt more than anything she'd ever done before.   
  
Marco had left dejectedly after Ellie had screamed at him, not even hearing the muffled cries inside the house. Instead he had concentrated on his stupidity and heard only the voice of his berating conscious. He hadn't even heard the pounding shoes behind him, the heavy breathing, the sniffled cries, until the person making them had ran directly into him, knocking both of them over.   
  
"Ellie?"   
  
"Marco?"  
  
"Ellie! What happened? Did I do that?" Marco shifted into Indian position and realized she was crying. He pulled her towards him and held her close examining the marks on her shoulder which definitely not from colliding with him.   
  
They looked like fingernail marks.   
  
"I- I can't go home tonight," she said softly, calming down remarkably fast. "I uh- I guess I'll go to a hotel or something. But- uh- Marco? Could I borrow some money?" He stared at her.   
  
"Stay with me," he said softly.   
  
"_You_?"   
  
"Yeah," he said, slightly hurt at her incredulous tone. "What, you wanna stay with Ash? 'Cause if you do I'm fine-"  
  
"Oh, Marco- I couldn't impose- I-"  
  
"Please," he said softly. "Impose." She smiled wetly.   
  
"Marco, I couldn't do that. I just couldn't. Please don't try to tempt me into it..."  
  
"Ellie- what happened?" Marco asked, ignoring her protests.   
  
"It's- nothing. My mother was just- you know. As usual."  
  
"Your mother-"Marco gasped incredulously. Ellie slapped a hand over his mouth.   
  
"A little louder Marco, I don't think Sean heard you," she snapped. Sean lived on the opposite side of town. He frowned at her.  
  
"El- this is serious. Your mother's- problems shouldn't cause you to be- Ellie, please- just don't-" He was starting to get choked up again.   
  
"Marco- you have your own problems without me adding mine on," she said in her typical calm way. "Don't take it upon yourself to be my protector."  
  
"Ellie!" He snapped suddenly. "I love you, okay? You're my best friend and I'm not going to let your own pride hurt you. I will always try to protect you, because I'm your friend! Now, please, let me- let me- let me help you..." he said brokenly.   
  
"Oh Marco," she leaned into him and buried her face in his chest. "Please help me." He held her close for a moment before standing slowly and helping her to her feet. They started on their way home.   
  
As they arrived at his house, he came in the side door, the one leading into his kitchen. His mother was standing at the oven, slowly stirring a large pot of pasta.   
  
"There you are Marco," she said in her thick accent without turning around. "I was wondering where you were. What took so lon- _L'OH mio_!" She caught sight of Ellie. "_Che cosa è accaduto mai qui, Marco che cosa è accaduto a questa ragazza? _Raffaello!" (1)  
  
Ellie stared in bewilderment as Marco's father came blundering into the room, attracted by his mother's Italian. She drew back swiftly when he made a loud noise and reached quickly for her to examine the damage.   
  
"Pa!" Marco scolded, stepping in front of her. "Don't touch! She uh- can't go home tonight."   
  
"Someone at home did that?" his father said pointedly.   
  
"Raffaello! You and your big mouth!"  
  
"I do not have a big mouth, look at you big mouth, I must know what's going on, you can't just expect me to take her in no question-"  
  
"My big mouth, your mouth got big through my good food, eh? You take her in, you ask later, she need help, not screaming, she WILL stay!" The kitchen fell silent.   
  
"_Approvazione, approvazione_!" (2) Ellie shot Marco a glance.   
  
"Is that a good thing?"  
  
"Yeah," he whispered. "Ma always wins. She rules this household."  
  
"Oh, Marco, you flatter your mama, no?" Marco smiled forcefully.   
  
"Of course ma. I'm just going to go help El clean out her scratches, k?"   
  
"Yes, yes, I help!" Marco smiled comfortingly at Ellie, who looked slightly bewildered.   
  
"Sure, Ma," he told her knowing she would anyway.  
  
"You stay down here, cook dinner. Can't afford to have it burn with company, no? You good at cooking." Marco blushed.   
  
"_Maaa_!"  
  
"What, it something to be proud of, come on Ellie dear," she said, herding Ellie up the stairs. Marco nodded and sighed through his nose.   
  
"No one tells me anything around here. What is Raffaello supposed to do, huh? Sit around with strange girl in house...humph," his father mumbled, walking from the kitchen. He stuck his head back inside.  
  
"Your girlfriend, she going to be here for long?"   
  
"She's not my girlfriend! She's my best friend, Pa! She's dating Sean Cameron anyway," he said, with an eye roll.   
  
"Uh huh. Maybe I call her parents- see what they doing to their child. No respect for family at all these days, none-" It didn't occur to Marco to stop his father. Instead, he went gloomily back to stirring the sauce until it thickened. What a lousy end to what would have been a perfect day.   
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
(1) This translates roughly from Italian into- "Oh my! What ever has happened here, Marco what has happened to this girl? Raffaello!" I have no idea what his father's name is, so now it's Raffaello. And let's just say his parents speak Italian when they get upset.   
  
(2) Means "Okay, Okay!"


	5. Ellie Nobody

_You know, I love you guys. I haven't gotten this many reviews in such a short time in...well, ever. Thanks a lot you guys!_

_Sorry this one took so long. I've been busy, but this one's a lot longer to make up for it. Expect more chapters that are longer but take more time to get out in the future._

**Chapter five; Ellie Nobody**

Ellie felt very strange, as if she were intruding on the peaceful stillness that Marco called home.

Marco's mother was very short, very large, and _very_ motherly. She ushered Ellie up the stairs, clucking her tongue as she unabashedly examined her scratches. Ellie knew she must have looked horrible- her shirt and the skirt were ripped, her shoulders caked with dry blood and bruised, there were scraped on her face and knee from colliding with Marco, and she was sure her make-up was running from her tears. All in all, she looked exactly like a homeless person should.

Because that was what she now- homeless. Her own mother had kicked her out and Ellie had no doubt she would be gone the next afternoon. Her father wouldn't be home for another couple of months and when he went on his next mission, she'd be left alone in an empty house. It was a very bleak looking situation.

Her shirt was all ready ripped, so she ripped the rest of the shoulder from it, so Mrs. Del Rosi could reach her scratches. She was clucking disapprovingly as she examined them, before she cleaned them with warm water and soup. Ellie gasped at the pain but said nothing.

"How about I find you some new clothes, yes?" Mrs. Del Rosi asked her helpfully. "I find you something." She was off before Ellie could nod in the affirmative.

It took her a while, so Ellie closed the lid of the toilet and sat down on it, scuffing her feet nervously against the floor. She glanced around. His house was nice- clean and homely. Ellie had been inside it many times before but never really taken in the homely feel of it- it was such a sharp contrast to what she had just experienced that she seemed to notice everything about it.

Mrs. Del Rosi came back with a muted burgundy shirt that was probably hers judging by the size. It would surely hang to Ellie's knees, if not farther. In her other hand she held a pair of very familiar looking jeans. Ellie stared.

"Are those- Marco's jeans?" she finally asked.

"Marco is a small boy, very short, very thin. They should fit you," she said unconcernedly. Ellie nodded and took the clothes, before retreating into the bathroom and closing the door. She stared at the clothes. Not only did they look like something she would never in her right mind wear, it would be rather odd, wearing Marco's jeans. She silently prayed they wouldn't fit.

She peeled off her skirt and ripped fishnet hose first, examining the now bandaged scratches. Then she cautiously pulled on the jeans, praying furiously that Marco was smaller than her- he had always seemed very skinny. They fit.

"Ohh," Ellie groaned, examining them in the mirror. They were one of his looser pairs, distinctly older and more worn than the ones he had adapted lately. She frowned and thought hopefully that the shirt would cover most of them and he wouldn't notice.

The shirt was even worse, hanging past her knees. She had to roll the sleeves several times before she could use her hands, and the style being so different from what she usually wore, she was barely recognizable. She washed off her runny make-up and finger combed her hair, leaving her looking like an all-new person. She frowned in to the mirror, but reminded herself that Marco's family was taking her in for the night no questions asked, so she figured she should be grateful.

After she came down the stairs, Mrs. Del Rosi grinned widely with pride, but Mr. Del Rosi just snorted and went back to pursuing a phone book, which Ellie ignored. But Marco gapped at her.

"Are you sure you're Ellie?" he asked her with a slight grin.

"Rub it in, Marco."

"I'll be sure to do- are those my jeans?" he asked suddenly, his mouth opening widely. Ellie blushed and he turned a delicate shade of green when his mother nodded affirmatively. "Oh- ew."

Ellie raised her eyebrows- she'd never heard Marco say 'ew' before.

"Dinner's finished," Marco's mother said, ushering them towards the kitchen.

Ellie followed Marco into the dinning area, wondering how long it had been since her family had sat down to a real dinner. She finally remembered that it was the last time her father had come home from a mission, nearly six months before. Her mother had dressed in her best clothes, put on make-up and a string of pearls, and made a fancy dinner. Her father, however, had been exhausted from work and ate very little, before retreating to bed. Her mother had drank worse than usual that night.

The Del Rosi's did their best to make her feel comfortable; piling lavish amounts of pasta onto her plate, offering to refill her drink, and smiling widely at her. It was a sharp contrast to what she got at home.

The dinner was delicious, though the conversation was strained.

"So, Ellie, I make you up a bed on the couch, is that okay?" Mr. Del Rosi asked her through his thick accent. She nodded, and licked her dry lips.

"I'm sorry," she told them. "I don't mean to impose. I'll find somewhere else to go for tomorrow night-"

"El! You don't have to do that," Marco said hastily. "D-does she?"

Mr. Del Rosi opened his mouth, but his wife beat him to it.

"No, you stay as long as you need, okay? We can even take you home, you can get clothes and such, Marco will help you." Ellie smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, I- well, just, thank you."

"You're welcome," Mrs. Del Rosi said with a bright smile. "Marco go with you tomorrow, you get some clothes, some money, you be all set!"

Ellie nodded with a swallow. Would the house be empty, she wondered. Or would her mother be there, passed out on the couch with a hangover? She never went to work while her father was on a mission- he was most of the time- so when she did work it was at drive-ins and diners.

"Ash and Sean could even come too, if it would help you," Marco offered. Ellie smiled gratefully.

"I think I'd like that. This pasta is delicious Marco, Mrs. Del Rosi."

"Thank you. But please, call me Maddalena, I don't mind," she told Ellie.

It was odd, Ellie realized, that she had been close to Marco for so long, been to his house and met his parents, but never really gotten to know them. They were nice and accommodating.

After dinner, she helped Mr. Del Rosi make up a bed for her on the couch. He eyed her strangely the entire time, before finally just coming out and speaking to her.

"I want to call your mother. I don'a trust you, I want to know what's going on," he said, which frightened her slightly. She didn't want this loving, comforting family to see what a horrible home life she had.

"Please, I'll tell you what's going on-"

"I call your mother," he said stubbornly. She nodded and looked at the floor slightly, before picking up a pad and paper and writing down the number for him. She could almost understand where he came from. Then she left the room with her head low, eyes downcast, wandering up to Marco's, feeling very putout.

Marco opened the door on the first knock and ushered her in, noting her eyes, practically glued to the ground.

"What did he do this time?" Marco asked her without prevail. He knew his father well.

"Nothing. Any responsible adult would have done the same- I mean, wouldn't they? I'm probably blowing this out of proportion, letting it get to me- I look like the type of kid who would try to get away with this- it only comes with being responsible...right?"

"Ellie, I have no idea what you're talking about. Please slow down and explain," he said soothingly, ushering her to his bed and rubbing her back as she sat down. He couldn't help but think she looked very different in different clothes, with her bare face and strait hair.

"He's going to call my mother- I just- I understand, but...she's drunk! Marco, I don't want your parents knowing I'm trash like that-"

"You are not trash," Marco snapped. "My parents are not going to judge you by that."

There was an awkward silence.

"But she's drunk and angry- in a crazed rage..." she protested weakly.

"I know El...I know. I don't know how, but it's going to get better."

"I hope so," she whispered. Marco suddenly stiffened, his head cocked towards the wall.

"They're going into the living room. This is our chance," he told her.

Ellie raised her eyebrows at him questioningly.

"The vent, we can listen through the vent. My room is directly above the living room," he told her. They shared a glance, before barreling across the room to the vent, foreheads knocking together as they went in to listen.

"Her mother- very drunk, and not marry about it at all," his father's voice drifted up faintly.

"Very?"

"_Molto_," his father said grimly. Marco avoided looking at Ellie. "She even said Ellie was...how you say-_non famiglia della parte_."

"Not part of the family?" Maddalena gasped. "She didn't disown her, no?"

"Perhaps. She was very drunk, hard to tell, I think she just decide- Oh, I disown daughter tonight. No reason, she just ramble on- bla di bla di bla." Mr. Del Rosi sighed. "We keep her a few days, but we must talk to the please-man, they will know what to do." There was a silence, then the creaking of the floorboards, and then footsteps on the stairs.

"I'm so sorry Ellie," Marco said simply, hesitantly touching her hand. She jerked away and walked to the door quickly, jerking it open.

"You see how well you have it?" she asked him viciously. "That's why you shouldn't mess it up and tell your parents what you are. That's why you shouldn't even be what you are." She slammed the door, and her footsteps echoed hollowly as she stomped down the stairs.

Ellie slept horribly. The blankets were warm and comforting, the house silent and embracing around her, but yet- she could not sleep. She was used to the deserted smallness of their house- the way the little shack sat in the middle of no where, the way the house creaked and settled all night long. And it was hard to sleep, knowing that she was no longer her mother's daughter. She was Ellie Nobody.

Once she finally slept, she was plagued with dreams.

_A house loomed above her on a hill, high and gothic and big. Ashley waved at her from the window, dressed in full Goth attire, her own mother waving back at her from beside Ellie. Then Marco was in another window, waving, his parent's waving back, and one by one, all her friends and enemies and acquaintances were waving to their parents, smiling and laughing. And then the dog began to run and she chased it into the space museum- the one that was black, not red. She chased the chicken and ran into a room that was filled with rubber gloves-because they always need rubber gloves in hospitals- and her mother was on the medical bed, so she waved but her mother just stared through her and she turned around to see the cat winding around a girl's ankles, who looked just like her only normal- everything Ellie wasn't, and her own mother opened her arms to the other girl and hugged her furiously while they tiger paced the room and then began to eat Ellie whole, but even though she was screaming no one looked up._

"Ellie! Ellie, wake up! Ellie! Ellie, wake up, maledicalo! Wake up!"

She jerked awake suddenly, her eyes wide, sitting up quickly and glancing wildly around, only to see Marco crouched beside the couch, the sun rising behind him, giving him an unearthly red glow.

"What's going on?" she asked him.

"You were screaming- in your sleep, I mean," he told her. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she muttered breathlessly. "Yeah. Just-it was a weird dream." She looked at him slightly and then smiled.

"I didn't mean to shout at you last night," she said. "You can't control- being what you are, I know that. And your parents- they'll be okay about it. They're really nice."

"Thanks El. And you didn't upset me, I know what you're going through," he said softly. "Want to go out for some coffee, breakfast, and then call Sean and Ash?"

She thought it over, and then nodded. "That would be good," she said. "And then we can go over to my- my moth- Elaine's house." Marco frowned sympathetically.

"I don't want your pity Marco," she said.

"I know."

"Good." There was an awkward silence.

"Let me just tell my parents where we're going and get dressed, all right. Do you- ah- want some other clothes?" She glanced down at the outfit she'd been wearing the night before.

"No, it's all right. Don't dirty another outfit for me," she told him. He nodded and handed her a brush.

"You may want to untangle your hair though," he told her before leaving. She went to run the brush through and groaned- it was all ready stuck in her matted hair.

Later, she had ate a filling breakfast of eggs and toast, sharing a sampler meal with Marco, because neither of them had much money on them.

"Do you want to tell Sean and Ash the situation, or should I?" Marco questioned her understandably.

"No, I should," Ellie, said. She got up and left the table, taking the cell phone with her. Her frowned after her, wishing there was something he could do.

It was taking her awhile, which bothered him. He could see her, pacing by the door. There were tears on her face, big wet ones, but she wasn't shaking and looked steady.

They were silent tears...

Or maybe, he thought to himself, they were silent screams...

"They're going to meet us here in about twenty," Ellie told him as she came back, sliding the phone back across the booth to him.

"Okay...we're here for you, El," he told her.

"I know. Thanks," she said, and smiled.

Sean and Ashley arrived promptly, and a pregnant silence followed them all during the long walk to her house. She was silent even as she led them in; though Ashley had a firm grip on her hand and Sean had wrapped an arm close around her shoulder. A shadowy figure stumbled across them. Ellie suppressed a groan but held her head high.

"Elaine, go back to drinking you Vodka. I don't want you around my friends. You've made it clear enough where you stand," she said levelly. Marco swallowed hardly and Ashley suppressed a sob.

"Ellie-Eleanor, my baby," her mother choked, her voice seeming surprisingly sober.

"That's not what you were saying last night," Ellie was quick to remind her. Sean squeezed her shoulder tighter.

"Ellie, please, can we talk about this- please? I didn't mean what I said- I was upset, your father had called, I was just so upset-"

"I don't care-Elaine," Ellie said, though her voice broke slightly.

"Ellie, I-I didn't mean what I said- you're my baby!"

"Who was he?" Ellie said suddenly, gripping Sean's arm with such a force he nearly winced. Her mother gaped at her.

"_WHO WAS HE?"_ She shouted horribly. A silence, and then-

"Brent- Brent Hamilton," her mother was trembling as she spoke.

"Well, I'm glad you can remember!"

"Ellie, Ellie, you don't understand! I-I have a problem, Ellie, I'll admit that, but please, understand, I want us to work this out-"

"There is no working out that you drink so much that I hurt myself, that I cook, buy food, pay bills, manage all our checking accounts, cover-up for you_ maxing out our credit cards on liquor_! That I spend every day dreading coming home because you aren't really a mother and I feel like an orphan, like there's no one for me take care of me, because I'm the one taking care of you! I don't care if you want me here forever- I'm leaving! Because all you need me around for is to kick around and clean up your bottles and I won't do it!" Ellie took a deep breath.

"Ellie, maybe it would be best- if you went somewhere else for a while. But only temporarily, I can change El-"

"Don't call me that. People who care about me call me that. And you're not one of them," she said, suddenly deathly calm.

"Ellie, please, you have to understand how hard it is for me! You are a difficult child and I live a difficult life, but that doesn't mean I can't change and take care of my baby girl! You are hard to live with. What with that suicide attempt and-"

"Elaine," Ellie snapped, but it was too late. Marco's eyes were boring into the back of her head, Ashley's hand had suddenly gone stone cold in hers, and Sean had stiffened next to her. "I-I'm going to get my stuff. And then I'm going to Children's Aid and filling out some papers- I'm not going to live here anymore." And with that final note, she led the others up to her room.

She gathered many things with their help- she was serious about moving out. It took them the better part of the day, and they worked mostly in silence, but eventually they had narrowed her items down to several outfits, personal items, her bedspread and pillow, a few bits of jewelry, and a few other things, including a picture of her and her dad. Some she packed in a bag for Marco's house, the others she packed in boxes for storage, saying that once she found a permanent residence, she'd get the rest.

"She can just throw out anything left of mine," Ellie said, surveying the bare room, which was torn apart and boxed. "Anything. I don't want it." The others nodded in silence. There was a lot of silence. Ellie took a deep breath.

"You going to do this? For real?" Marco asked her seriously.

She considered, slowly, before nodding. "Yeah, yeah I am. Let's go." She grabbed her backpack and swung it on, before picking up a box. Marco picked up the other one and they walked down the stairs. Her mother was once again passed out on the couch.

"Typical," Ellie muttered, and kept walking. The door slammed behind her, cutting her off from the life she once knew, and forcing her into another.

They were silent as they walked, no sounds besides those of their feet against the sidewalk. Ellie's eyes were downcast. Ashley and Sean were both staring at Ellie unabashedly, while Marco let himself fall behind, eyes darting nervously.

"El?" Sean hesitantly asked her. She knew what he was going to say.

"It was a long time ago, okay? That's why we transferred here ninth grade. It was a long time ago," she snapped.

"Oh _Ellie_," Sean whispered softly, pulling her against his chest fiercely. She sobbed brokenly into it, arms tight about him. He kissed away her tears, though more immediately flowed into their place. Ashley and Marco stood awkwardly to the side, eyes lowered.

"Is that what happened with the wave? Were you trying to hurt yourself, when we were at the beach?" Marco finally blurted out. He paled visibly; he hadn't meant to say anything.

Ellie said nothing from against Sean's chest, but her sobs intensified.

Marco was rather quiet the rest of the day, turning the new information over and over inside his head, examining it from every angle.

He realized that there was a lot he didn't know about Ellie. He realized that she must have resorted to cutting herself more than just the school year before and that things had always been bad for her and suddenly it felt as if everything that ailed him was so meaningless next to the depression of his friend.

But he had watched her lately, in Degrassi- seen how she smiled so widely when talking about her co-op job, how she grinned when with Sean but could still be her normal Ellie self, how she laughed when they were together, how Ashley made her snort cynically by still being the rather preppy girl she'd once been, but so much deeper. She seemed happy, he thought. Happy most of the time, and he couldn't help but think that getting away from her deconstructed family would help her.

The day was busy, after that. Marco's mother and father accompanied them to Children's Aid, along with Sean and Ash, meaning that the conference room was full of people worried about Ellie, especially when they called in her mother, a judge, a doctor, and a police officer. It took several phone calls to her mother, many long talks, a call to the school, other children's help homes, and a message left for her out-of-country father, before they were done.

It was arranged that Ellie would stay with the Del Rosi's until further notice. Her father was being sent a message telling him the situation, and asking him to come home soon, while her mother had to drive up to the hospital where the building was stationed and sign many papers. Sean had suggested she apply to Student Welfare to see if she could get money for an apartment or something of that sort, and the hospital said they would be glad to sponsor her.

Ellie had said quite forcefully that she did not want to see her mother at all, did not want her to have any custody, and- as the police, doctor, and judge all said- it was within her right to do just that.

So it was arranged that Elaine was not allowed within one hundred feet of Ellie, though her father's end was left open until they contacted him.

Marco couldn't help but be rather proud of his parents, who took everything in stride and scarcely complained about the missed day of work. Marco's mother even went as far as to say that she would do anything for any child in need but was glad that it was Ellie who would be staying with them.

The day was rather wasted after that as Ellie changed into her normal attire and set up residence in their office, which was being turned into a guest room. They moved in an old couch from the basement that she did up in her bedspread, before customizing the rest of the room with the things she'd moved out of her old house. The phone rang just as she was finishing and both her and Marco, who had been helping her, glanced at each other before racing out of the room and down the stairs to grab the phone.

"Hello, Del Rosi residence," Marco spoke into the phone.

"Hello," an unfamiliar female voice said from the other end. "My name is Anne Smith and I'm calling on behalf of Children's Aid. Is there an-" she paused "-Ellie Nash there?"

"Um, yes, there is. Let me get her for you," Marco said, before covering the receiver. "It's for you, from C.A." Ellie grasped at the phone.

"Hello?" she said hesitantly into the phone.

"Hi, is this Ellie?"

"Yes," she answered, as if thinking 'who else would it be?'

"Hi, I'm Anne Smith, I'm taking over your case."

"I thought my 'case' was settled," Ellie said.

"Well, what I do is keep the case subject updated on what's going on, randomly check up on people, that sort of thing. I wanted to tell you that we got a hold of your father."

"That's good," Ellie said neutrally, not wanting to get her hopes up.

"He's coming home, he says it will probably take about a week for him to fill out all the papers and get here. We discussed what's going on over the phone with him and he says that he would like to tell you that he and your mother have filed for divorce- they were waiting until he got back to tell you. That said he wants you to know that he will be buying an apartment once he gets back. He wants you to live with him. I need an official statement from you saying that you agree to this."

"I- definitely agree. What happens when he goes on his missions?" Ellie asked.

"Well, it says here that you were planning on signing up for student welfare, with the hospital sponsoring you. They have called and filled out the paperwork- all that's left is for you to sign. When your father is out of the country, you'll still have support money coming in."

"When can I sign?" she was quick to ask.

"As soon as you and your father can make it in," Anne told her. "I do have some rather unfortunate news," Anne began hesitantly.

"What is it?"

"You're mother has disappeared, taking all her possessions with her. Your house is now under government rule and being sold."

"Are they going to look for her?"

"They have been, but as far as we can tell, she just took off."

"Oh. Okay." Ellie hung up.

"What is it?" Marco asked her worriedly.

"Nothing big. My mother ran off, just like I knew she would. But my dad's coming back. He's going to rent an apartment and I'm going to live with him and it's going to be great."

"Oh El, that's wonderful! When's he coming?"

"Sometime in the next week," she said, smiling. He hugged her fiercely.

"Yeah, yeah. Don't get mushy," she muttered, but she was hugging him back.

_I guess I'm still Ellie Nash_, she thought. _It's Elaine who's a nobody now. Elaine Nobody, not a mother or a wife. Just a nobody._


	6. Bad News

**Thanks for the reviews!  
  
Dancewithme02- I know what you mean, about Sean disappearing and being out of character, but there is actually a reason for that- or what Marco thinks is the reason (he's right too.)  
  
That said, I realize that I'm really down playing Marco's relationship with the other guys as well as Ellie's with the other girls, which hit me very hard after the last chapter. So I'm trying to remedy that by bringing them and their life's drama back in. Maybe not this chapter, but eventually.**

**By the way, I suck at song writing. So you're forwarned.**  
  
Chapter Six; Bad news  
  
After that their lives returned mostly to normal. Thought the arrival of Ellie in the Del Rosi household had rocked them somewhat, everyone adjusted quickly. In fact, only one full day after she had moved in (a Thursday) she was to be found hanging out with Sean, while Marco practised with the band, Downtown Sasquatch.  
  
It wasn't going too horribly; Craig had been working hard a variety of new lyrics and the others were attempting to put music to his words. As backwards as the process was, it was working.  
  
The boys had won the T.O. Hot Sounds contest earlier in the year, and now were moving on to the finals. Craig had explained that he'd been talking to 'some people' and that he thought it would be best to have a pre-planned song made out, not one he'd make up a couple minutes before the contest.  
  
"Okay," Craig said, placing away his last lyrics and pulling out another, more rumpled one. He looked slightly nervous. "Let's try this one."  
  
**'Cosmic blur (cosmic blur)**

**Confusing me **

**Never ever letting me be**

** What is love **

**Is it you, is it her**

** I gotta escape (gotta escape)**

**This cosmic blurBlack, lots of black **

**Little bit of jealous green **

**Some red for anger **

**I just wanna screamThought I could have **

**Best of both worlds, love, sex **

**Didn't realize I **

**Was making such a mess'Cosmic blur (cosmic blur)**

**Confusing me **

**Never ever letting me be **

**What is love **

**Is it you, is it her **

**I gotta escape (gotta escape)**

**This cosmic blurNow I know that **

**I truly love neither of you **

**Took this whole time**

** For me to get a clueI hurt you **

**I hurt her **

**And now I'm lost in my own cosmic blur **

**Trapped in hell **

**Cosmic blur'  
**  
"What do you think?" Craig asked nervously. There was a brief silence, before Jimmy let out a low whistle. Marco laughed rather nervously.  
  
"Ash definitely won't like it," Jimmy cautioned, but there was a gleam in his eye. "But it's nice…very nice." He was definitely grinning wickedly now.  
  
"All the more reason to do it," Spinner joked. Craig rubbed his hair nervously.  
  
"Why wouldn't Ash like it?" he asked, almost hopefully.  
  
"Well, it's about you getting over her," Marco pointed out. "Realizing that you never really liked either girl."  
  
"It's also about me still being stuck in hell over it!" Craig said defensively.  
  
"We know," Jimmy said with a snigger. Craig glared at him. Jimmy calmed down. "But Ash probably won't see it that way."  
  
"Yeah…but…I think we should do this one," Craig said. "I want to sing the truth. The truth is, I'm over her, and Manny."  
  
"But she's not going to like that," Marco said again.  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Because she wants you to suffer over it. She wants you to realize you love her unconditionally and suffer because she doesn't love you."  
  
"Why? It's not as if she still likes me-is it?" Craig said. For somebody who had gotten over the whole deal, he sounded awfully hopeful. Marco shot him a sympathetic look.  
  
"Probably not. But she wants you to suffer continuously for it. She doesn't want you to move on."  
  
"Well, I for one am glad you stopped acting like such a pansy over it," Spinner said. Marco coughed pointedly and Spinner shot him a glance. "No offence."  
  
"It was rather offensive," Marco muttered, but no one even glanced his way.  
  
"What is that supposed to mean?" Craig asked defensively.  
  
"Just that you've been moping around for week about her and it's about time you got over it," Spinner said blindly. "This is you- oh, Ashley, I'm sorry, really, I just wanted to do the right thing, but I couldn't figure out if you or her was 'right', Oh Ashley, please don't hit me, ow, ow, Ashley!"  
  
Jimmy got a rather strained look, remembering when he had briefly considered going back out with Ashley and Spinner had mad much the same comment. He was perfectly happy with Hazel, honestly, but Ashley had still been a friend to him. Maybe they weren't meant for each other, but they had been then, and now it still hurt him to hear Spinner ragging on her.  
  
"Spin, shut up," he muttered. Spinner shot him a confused look.  
  
"What Spinner is trying to say," Marco hastened to break in. "Is that we're glad you sorted out your feelings and realized that Ash- as nice a person as she is- isn't for you." He was talking to Craig, but looking at Jimmy, who seemed surprised.  
  
"The real question is, so either of you have the guts to perform this song?" Craig shot at Spinner and Jimmy.  
  
"What?" they gasped in unison.  
  
"You are both dating someone from Ash's band," Marco said carelessly.  
  
"So what? You and Ellie are like, nearly best friends, and you and Ashley hang out. And you're dating Paige's brother. You're such a girl," Spinner shot at him. Marco glared.  
  
"No offence," he said again.  
  
"I am not a girl. I wish people would stop making remarks like that. I am not a girl, I do not want to be a girl, I do not wish for a sex change, I just happen to like guys? Okay?" Marco snapped.  
  
"Sorry," Spinner said, in a tone that suggested he wasn't. Marco was upset and confused. He had thought Spinner had gotten over his issues. And maybe he had. But maybe it was just habit for him to stay stuff like that without thinking about it.  
  
"But still, doesn't change the fact that you have some kind of connection with almost everyone in the band," Jimmy said calmly, with a smile.  
  
Marco was silent. The argument had brought up memories he would have liked to forget.  
  
When it was discovered that Craig had been cheating on Ashley, Ellie had violently rebuked Marco for continuing to hang out with him. If he had any respect for women, she had said, he would have dropped Craig and the others' friendship like hot coals. After that, she had hung out exclusively with Ashley or Sean, even going as far as calling Marco and the rest of the band 'posers.' The remark had hit him particularly hard as she would have never said that before.  
  
He thought that maybe that was why she seemed to be spending excess amounts of time with him lately. It hurt him to think that she felt like she had to, to make up for their fight, but another part of him maintained that she did it because she had truly missed him. He hoped that was the case.  
  
After that, Marco had watched Ellie, one of his only true friends, drift horribly away. He realized later that she had been drifting away for a while, since their 'break up,' hanging out more with Ashley and Sean, especially since Sean and her had began dating. They had hung out occasionally, but he found himself often hanging with the band instead. And then they had fought, an he had been left feeling strangely deserted without her.  
  
Sean, of course, had been drifting apart for much longer than Ellie had. Ever since he had started hanging with Jay, he'd ignored, shunned, and insulted the group he used to hang out with. Marco couldn't help but think that Sean's jealousy over his and Ellie's repaired friendship had something to do with his sudden homophobia.  
  
But Sean was also threatened, or so Marco thought. He was threatened because he didn't want to be the one to come running back to them once he'd realized how unfriendly Jay could be. It threatened him that anyone might think that he was weak; that he had ran back to them. But Marco wished he wouldn't be so violent in pushing them away.  
  
Maybe he was jealous.  
  
Maybe he was threatened.  
  
Maybe he was both.  
  
"Marco," Craig said, waving a hand in front of his eyes. "Marco!" he repeated, when Marco scarcely stirred.  
  
"Sorry," Marco said, jerking back to. "I was just- thinking."  
  
"'Bout?" Craig prompted.  
  
"Sean," Marco said, and immediately wished he hadn't.  
  
"That prude? What's up with that?" Jimmy asked fiercely.  
  
"I was just thinking that before all this happened, he hung out with us a lot. I mean, we used to play ball and all that. Well, Jimmy, you guys had a lot of ups and downs, but I guess- I was just wondering if- never mind."  
  
"No, what is it? Why are you thinking about that-" Spinner said called Sean something very rude that caused Jimmy to snicker sinisterly.  
  
"You know how before, he was kinda….indifferent to us? When he and Jay first started hanging out? Like we weren't important enough to be thought about. But now, when he and Jay are no longer friends, he's totally hostile. I think it's because he doesn't want it to look like he's running back to us."  
  
"And that makes it okay?" Spinner asked fiercely.  
  
"No. But I thought maybe…if we made the first move…"  
  
"No, no way," Jimmy said, and Spinner began protesting colourfully as well. But Craig looked thoughtful.  
  
"Sean was my first real friend when I moved back here. He searched all over for me with Joey when I tried to run away."  
  
"So that excuses what he's done, is that it?" Jimmy demanded.  
  
"No, I guess it doesn't. But I know how Sean's mind works. I think Marco's right. I'll talk to him with you…if you like." Craig offered Marco. Marco smiled a teeny bit.  
  
Jimmy and Spinner both made motions as if to protest, but Craig made an arm movement and they fell silent. As they began to try different melodies to the song, Marco felt as if some bit of him had been restored. And that was enough.  
  
At that same time, Ellie and Sean were sitting in the Del Rosi living room. Sean looked awkward being there; it was odd to be sitting in the living room of a person you never spoke to any more with a girlfriend you couldn't touch without feeling odd, because it wasn't your house, nor hers.  
  
But Ellie seemed to be enjoying herself; she was excitingly telling him that he father had promised to phone today to tell her when his plane would be coming in. Sean smile; a true, genuine smile. He loved to see Ellie happy. She smiled up at him and they fell into a subtle silence.  
  
"You know what I like about you?" Ellie asked suddenly.  
  
"So I want to?" Sean joked. Ellie ignored him.  
  
"I like that nothing I do could surprise you. I mean I'm never too out there for you. Everyone else was devastated when they found out I cut; you were understanding. Everyone else makes a big deal of how I dress, who I am. Sometimes they're admiring, sometimes they're mean. But you just accept it. You aren't freaked out by anything I do."  
  
Sean looked at her, his trademark mask in place. The one that made it hard to tell if he was sad, or impressed, or upset, or happy. But Ellie could see, by the look in his eye, that he was considering.  
  
"I like that you let me be me," Sean said suddenly, after a brief pause. "I can still be bad-boy Sean, and you still like me. With Emma- I mean, Emma was cool," Sean assured her. "But she turned me into someone else. And it was a good someone, but it wasn't me. With you, I can be a good person, keep my grades up, whatever- but I can still be Sean- me." Ellie smiled and grasped his hand.  
  
He gently slid up her arm warmer, giving her time to stop him. She didn't. Once again, he examined all her inflictions; what once were scratches, now were scaring. Very gently, he kissed each and every one.  
  
"You're the only person I could wear bare arms around. That's another reason I like you. It doesn't make me feel sorry for me. It's just part of me, and you know it." Sean kissed her wrist gently, feeling the pulse beneath her skin.  
  
"I think I- I-" Sean sighed and started over. "I think I l-" Ellie's cell phone rang.  
  
Ellie sighed a great sigh and tore her tortured eyes from Sean, reaching into her pocket.  
  
"Hey, Ellie, it's Anne," the voice on the other end said.  
  
"Anne…" Ellie said, feeling rude.  
  
"Anne Smith. Your case worker."  
  
"Oh. Yeah, sorry. Um…what's going on?" Ellie asked awkwardly.  
  
"I have some bad news, honey," Anne said hesitantly. Ellie frowned. She didn't like being called honey. And she really didn't like bad news.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Well, we found your mother," Anne said gently.  
  
"And?" Ellie asked rudely.  
  
"Well, Ellie…dear…"  
  
"What? What is it?"  
  
"Your mother…well, your mother's dead."  
  
"What?" Ellie gasped into the phone, tightening her grip on it. Her knuckles turned deathly white.  
  
"She was drinking, and then tried to keep driving. I'm so sorry Ellie."  
  
"Mom? My Mom is…dead?" Ellie asked softly, tears in her eyes. It was well and good to pretend to disown her mother, even better to take out a restraining order on her. But it was a different thing entirely when she died. "Mom-" she broke down silently.  
  
"Ellie, honey, are you all right?" Anne asked.  
  
"What do you think?" Ellie asked, trying to keep her quiet voice in line even as tears poured down her cheeks. Sean's hand was working frantically across her cheeks, trying to stop the flow.  
  
"What about Dad?" Ellie choked.  
  
"He doesn't know. We thought- well, we thought it should be up to you if we told him- or if you did.  
  
"I'll tell him," Ellie said levelly. And then she hung up.  
  
Sean didn't even ask. He just held her silently and stroked her tears.  
  
After awhile, he gently pulled her into his arms and carried her lean frame up the stairs and into her makeshift room. Wrapping the blankets around her, he noticed that one arm warmer was still rolled up. He stroked her hair softly until she fell asleep, but stayed longer, examining how even in her sleep, she looked tortured.  
  
And later he explained in short terms what had happened to the Del Rosi adults and walked out.  
  
After practising with the band, Marco and Dylan had gone to the park. What they were doing there, Marco wasn't really sure, but he let Dylan discretely hold his hand as they walked in content silence. He glanced over at Dylan, who was ogling at some girl playing street hockey.  
  
"Did you see that move? That girl's a natural!" he gushed, and Marco just smiled and shook his head. Dylan stopped to examine the game, giving Marco a chance to examine Dylan.  
  
He always wondered what Dylan saw in him. He was short and skinny, Italian, knew nothing of sports. But Dylan…well, Dylan was an entirely different story.  
  
His muscles bulged over capable arms and legs, while his upper torso was lean and fit. Long lean legs set in a casual stance, with the fabric pulling slightly in all the right places, made Marco blush slightly. His skin wasn't too tan, nor too pale, and contrasted, as well as blended, perfectly with his hair. Golden locks, with underlying darker tones,  
  
Dylan's hair amazed Marco, as did his other features. It always seemed slightly wind teased, the wavy locks falling slightly into his eyes. Marco had even memorized his face structure; when he smiled it relaxed into a softer look, but often, it had a sharp and masculine look to it, with his strait, thin nose, shadowing eyebrows, and defined structure. And his eyes! Well, Marco knew from experience that one could get lost in their cerulean depths.  
  
What Dylan saw in him? Well, that would always be a mystery.  
  
"Marco," Dylan said, sitting down and casually stretching out on the bench. "Sit down." Marco did, thinking as he did that he loved the way Dylan said his name. It sounded so bouncy, so pleasantly infatuated, that it surprised Marco every time he heard it.  
  
"I got my acceptance letter today," Dylan told him.  
  
"That's great!" Marco told him, but secretly, he was worried. Dylan had enrolled to the University of Toronto and even though it was relatively close by, Marco couldn't help but worry about how often they would see each other after that.  
  
"Well…" Dylan said hesitantly.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Well I decided to go. But see, I actually got accepted…to the University of British Columbia."


End file.
